“I don’t want a relationship” usually means “I don’t want responsibility.”

In reality, it often translates to: “I want the pleasure of sex, the comfort of intimacy, and the warmth of emotional connection but without the commitment that normally comes with them.”

Both men and women can say this, but the risks differ: • For women: higher biological risks (pregnancy, infertility, infections), social risks (judgment, stigma), and emotional risks (attachment). • For men: biological and social risks are lower, and emotional vulnerability is often less immediate, making “no responsibility” easier to maintain.

From a Jungian perspective, this reflects a shadow dynamic: the person seeks connection and pleasure while projecting the burden of risk onto someone else, avoiding conscious engagement with their own shadow of responsibility.

So when someone says they don’t want commitment, what they’re really asking is: “Will you absorb the risk I’m not willing to take?”